Job

Hey all!! I know its been over a month since my last post. Well the reason for that is because I was studying for my boards (which i failed 😦 ). I also got a job thats not in retail (YAY ME!!!). Anywhoo I really have nothing to say just thought I’d update those who might pretend to care.

toodles folks

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Friendship…

 

Ever since I was little I had no problem making friends. Everyone seemed to like me. Hell people used to fight over who got to play with me during recess.

Between 8th grade and high school something seemed to happen.

People still seemed to like me, but no one wanted to be around me. I pretty much spent that whole summer in the house. I would call up my friends and they would be busy. I found out later they were all together having fun while I stayed in the house bored.

I’m also a very shy person. So when high school started it actually took me a little while to make friends. I sat alone at lunch, didn’t talk in class, didn’t talk in the hallways. Then all of a sudden people started talking to me; they couldn’t figure out why I was so quiet. That’s wen I started making friends, since clearly my friends from before didn’t seem to care for me. To this day I’m still friends with 5 of the people I was closest to in hs.

Now sometime around my junior year my “old” friends and I rekindled. We came together like pieces to a puzzle, and it stayed like that for a couple of years.

Around 2009 we started fighting and one by one people started leaving the group (there were 5 of us).

2 of them were gone because of really bad arguments, they remained friends with one another. Another had children and just stopped talking to the remaining two of us, later on she rekindled with one of the other two. That just left me and Ben*. There was another but she was rarely around because she had a lot going on with herself, but we remain friends with her.

Back tracking to 2007 my freshman year of college, I ran into an old friend and we became besties instantly. Lets just call him Brittney*.

Now Ben* and I were having fun. We state hopped together, worked temporary jobs together, did all the things best friends that just so happen to live around the corner from one another do.

Brittney* and I also had fun together, we didn’t do all the fun stuff Ben* and I did, but we had fun none the less.

Late 2012 is when troubles began with Ben* and I. We suddenly lost touch, it was mutual. Neither one of us was really making an effort. Well once 2013 rolled around I decided this was ridiculous and started hitting her up again. The conversations always went with her going “omg B* I never see you anymore you act like your too busy for me.” Now at the time I couldn’t deny it because truthfully neither one of us was making an effort, which I pointed out. So naturally I chose to start making more of an effort to talk to her and hang out, too bad she ignores me. If we just so happen to see one another outside she’ll be like “really B* how come I never hear from you anymore?” and of course I hit her back with “you ignore my texts its you.”

Well now its starting to piss me off. She knows how to hit me up when she wants something (cupcakes for her birthday, a favor from me or my mom), but when I want to just have a conversation or hang out she doesn’t seem to know how to answer. To add insult to injury when I log onto Facebook she’s always hanging out with other people. It reminds me of back in high school when everyone stopped being friends with me out of the blue. It hurts my feelings because we are supposed to be best friends. What makes it worse is no matter how much I try to explain that too her she would never get it because shes so damn absorbed in herself that she couldn’t give enough of a fuck to try and change it.

So I’ve decided, I’m no longer making any type of an effort. If she can’t seem to answer a text even tough her phone is literally always in her hand, then I can’t seem to send a text.

Now with Brittney* its a different story. I’m not going to lie I’m just being petty on this one. I text him about something and he ignored me. He knows I hate being ignored. He knows it makes me angry. He did it anyway. I even text him again thinking he may not have gotten the previous text. He ignored that also. So i’m ignoring his next two texts. He already text me once since then, but since I’m a petty bitch I’ll wait fr the second text and think about answering.

The whole point of me typing this (I realized me point is completely unclear) is because I can’t understand how I lose friends so easily. Granted I’m being petty with Brittney*, but I’m not like that with everyone. They just stop wanting to be around me. They stop wanting to talk to me. The worse part is I really do make friends easily, but not a single friendship lasts long. We always seem to drift apart and I just can’t understand why. It’s at the point where, at the age of 23, its normal for me to be in the house, watching TV, on my laptop, on Friday and Saturday nights. Just like that summer before I started high school, no one wanted to be my friend anymore.

It hurts

It sucks that when I get older I won’t even be able to reminisce on the fun I had, because I didn’t have much fun. I just sat in the house alone because no one wanted to go out with me. It’s not like I can go out alone, that makes me look pathetic and will push people away.

Hopefully I don’t grow into an old bitter woman with 12 cats and a mean ass dog.

Notes*: I’m B. I rename all of my friends so their names start with the same letter as mine. Why? Because “B” is the best letter in the alphabet. This is not up for discussion. The reason I have all the women with men names and the men with women names is…well I’m weird.

The Job Struggle

I know there are a million blog posts about this subject but shit I need to vent too. What in all hell is the deal with all of these employers wanting people with experience? Do they not realize that if they don’t accept people without experience there’s no way of people gaining experience? Another problem I’m seeing is bachelor’s degrees being required for reception positions. Why in the entire fuck does a receptionist need a degree? That’s such an insult to peoples hard work and money spent on education. You mean to actually tell me that 4-5 years of college only makes me eligible to copy documents, answer phones, and get you coffee? You mean to tell me all that education is worth $15-$17/hr? Give me a fucking break! And to add insult to injury that salary isn’t enough to live off of, hell you can barely pay off your student loans with that. With a salary like that you pretty much end up living with your parents for the rest of your life. You would think that being in New York would mean much higher salaries since the cost of living is ridiculously high, but I guess not. I guess I’ll just continue to fake it til I make it like the rest of NYC.

Funny People

People are so funny.

My whole life, including childhood, people have been calling me ugly. When I was a kid people would look at me and my cousin and say, dead to my face, that she was clearly the pretty one. Now of course they made sure my mom wasn’t within earshot.

 

In elementary school, all my friends got called pretty and milk chocolate. I was called burnt chocolate. One night I was drunk with my male best friend and he told me that he used to have a crush on me back in elementary school, and how all the other boys used to say that I was too dark.

 

When I got to high school it got worse. The boys used to tease me and say loud enough for everyone to hear “oh my god shes SO ugly”. That’s not even the worst of it. When I got to my senior year, a boy named MK*** decided to start hitting me. Once in the cafeteria he waited until it was super crowded, looked me in the face, and said “hey guys look its that ugly bitch”. Luckily no one laughed. Once during an assembly, hell I think it was mass, he rolled up a magazine and hit me in the head. There was another time during lunch where he punched me in the head. I think I was just way too embarrassed to do anything about it.

 

There was only one in high school that found me attractive. I’m in love with him; he only likes me enough for what he calls a friendship, occasional sex.

 

Once when I was 20 I was on my way to work. I walked past a guy and his friends, and he looked me in my face and said to his friends “damn that’s an ugly bitch”. To this day I cant walk past a group of guys without putting my head down and holding back tears with the fear that they may make fun of me and call me ugly in front of everyone.

 

Now the reason I say people are funny…

 

I turned 21, and all of a sudden I was the prettiest thing to walk this side of Jamaica Queens.

 

Now this isn’t me gassing myself up. This is me noticing a new reaction from men.

 

I didn’t change anything about myself. I still weigh the same I did in high school, hell most people think I am in high school and I’m 23 now.

 

All of a sudden, everywhere I went I was being called beautiful. Guys were always trying to talk to me. Once a group of guys even stopped me while I was walking and gave me a whole speech about how gorgeous I am.

 

Even with all of that I’m still ashamed, and afraid, of walking past groups of men.

 

The main reason I always walk with headphones on is so I cant hear the mean comments.

 

Like I said, people are real funny

Few things…

I don’t care for anybody’s opinion. I’m making this blog for myself. I’d prefer it if i didn’t have to change names, but this is the internet and I can’t put people out like that. Why am I making this public blog then you ask? Well, i’d actually prefer it if I could make certain posts password protected but I can’t. Too many things can get lost just saving it on a harddrive and externals are easily lost. The only place things aren’t lost on are the internet. If you want to read what I have to say go ahead, but your opinions on how I’m whining and crying and doing stupid things are unwanted. As I said before this is for ME not you. Don’t like it? Hit the big red X in the corner of your screen.

Toodles 

Flaky Buttery Biscuits

Flaky Buttery Biscuits.

 

Not too long ago, I had a craving for some buttery biscuits. I told my best friend and his response was go make some and let him know when they were ready so he could come take them. How kind of him right? Anyway I came upon this recipe and it is jizz worthy. Just flaky and buttery and wonderful.