People are so funny.
My whole life, including childhood, people have been calling me ugly. When I was a kid people would look at me and my cousin and say, dead to my face, that she was clearly the pretty one. Now of course they made sure my mom wasn’t within earshot.
In elementary school, all my friends got called pretty and milk chocolate. I was called burnt chocolate. One night I was drunk with my male best friend and he told me that he used to have a crush on me back in elementary school, and how all the other boys used to say that I was too dark.
When I got to high school it got worse. The boys used to tease me and say loud enough for everyone to hear “oh my god shes SO ugly”. That’s not even the worst of it. When I got to my senior year, a boy named MK*** decided to start hitting me. Once in the cafeteria he waited until it was super crowded, looked me in the face, and said “hey guys look its that ugly bitch”. Luckily no one laughed. Once during an assembly, hell I think it was mass, he rolled up a magazine and hit me in the head. There was another time during lunch where he punched me in the head. I think I was just way too embarrassed to do anything about it.
There was only one in high school that found me attractive. I’m in love with him; he only likes me enough for what he calls a friendship, occasional sex.
Once when I was 20 I was on my way to work. I walked past a guy and his friends, and he looked me in my face and said to his friends “damn that’s an ugly bitch”. To this day I cant walk past a group of guys without putting my head down and holding back tears with the fear that they may make fun of me and call me ugly in front of everyone.
Now the reason I say people are funny…
I turned 21, and all of a sudden I was the prettiest thing to walk this side of Jamaica Queens.
Now this isn’t me gassing myself up. This is me noticing a new reaction from men.
I didn’t change anything about myself. I still weigh the same I did in high school, hell most people think I am in high school and I’m 23 now.
All of a sudden, everywhere I went I was being called beautiful. Guys were always trying to talk to me. Once a group of guys even stopped me while I was walking and gave me a whole speech about how gorgeous I am.
Even with all of that I’m still ashamed, and afraid, of walking past groups of men.
The main reason I always walk with headphones on is so I cant hear the mean comments.
Like I said, people are real funny