Ever since I was little I had no problem making friends. Everyone seemed to like me. Hell people used to fight over who got to play with me during recess.
Between 8th grade and high school something seemed to happen.
People still seemed to like me, but no one wanted to be around me. I pretty much spent that whole summer in the house. I would call up my friends and they would be busy. I found out later they were all together having fun while I stayed in the house bored.
I’m also a very shy person. So when high school started it actually took me a little while to make friends. I sat alone at lunch, didn’t talk in class, didn’t talk in the hallways. Then all of a sudden people started talking to me; they couldn’t figure out why I was so quiet. That’s wen I started making friends, since clearly my friends from before didn’t seem to care for me. To this day I’m still friends with 5 of the people I was closest to in hs.
Now sometime around my junior year my “old” friends and I rekindled. We came together like pieces to a puzzle, and it stayed like that for a couple of years.
Around 2009 we started fighting and one by one people started leaving the group (there were 5 of us).
2 of them were gone because of really bad arguments, they remained friends with one another. Another had children and just stopped talking to the remaining two of us, later on she rekindled with one of the other two. That just left me and Ben*. There was another but she was rarely around because she had a lot going on with herself, but we remain friends with her.
Back tracking to 2007 my freshman year of college, I ran into an old friend and we became besties instantly. Lets just call him Brittney*.
Now Ben* and I were having fun. We state hopped together, worked temporary jobs together, did all the things best friends that just so happen to live around the corner from one another do.
Brittney* and I also had fun together, we didn’t do all the fun stuff Ben* and I did, but we had fun none the less.
Late 2012 is when troubles began with Ben* and I. We suddenly lost touch, it was mutual. Neither one of us was really making an effort. Well once 2013 rolled around I decided this was ridiculous and started hitting her up again. The conversations always went with her going “omg B* I never see you anymore you act like your too busy for me.” Now at the time I couldn’t deny it because truthfully neither one of us was making an effort, which I pointed out. So naturally I chose to start making more of an effort to talk to her and hang out, too bad she ignores me. If we just so happen to see one another outside she’ll be like “really B* how come I never hear from you anymore?” and of course I hit her back with “you ignore my texts its you.”
Well now its starting to piss me off. She knows how to hit me up when she wants something (cupcakes for her birthday, a favor from me or my mom), but when I want to just have a conversation or hang out she doesn’t seem to know how to answer. To add insult to injury when I log onto Facebook she’s always hanging out with other people. It reminds me of back in high school when everyone stopped being friends with me out of the blue. It hurts my feelings because we are supposed to be best friends. What makes it worse is no matter how much I try to explain that too her she would never get it because shes so damn absorbed in herself that she couldn’t give enough of a fuck to try and change it.
So I’ve decided, I’m no longer making any type of an effort. If she can’t seem to answer a text even tough her phone is literally always in her hand, then I can’t seem to send a text.
Now with Brittney* its a different story. I’m not going to lie I’m just being petty on this one. I text him about something and he ignored me. He knows I hate being ignored. He knows it makes me angry. He did it anyway. I even text him again thinking he may not have gotten the previous text. He ignored that also. So i’m ignoring his next two texts. He already text me once since then, but since I’m a petty bitch I’ll wait fr the second text and think about answering.
The whole point of me typing this (I realized me point is completely unclear) is because I can’t understand how I lose friends so easily. Granted I’m being petty with Brittney*, but I’m not like that with everyone. They just stop wanting to be around me. They stop wanting to talk to me. The worse part is I really do make friends easily, but not a single friendship lasts long. We always seem to drift apart and I just can’t understand why. It’s at the point where, at the age of 23, its normal for me to be in the house, watching TV, on my laptop, on Friday and Saturday nights. Just like that summer before I started high school, no one wanted to be my friend anymore.
It sucks that when I get older I won’t even be able to reminisce on the fun I had, because I didn’t have much fun. I just sat in the house alone because no one wanted to go out with me. It’s not like I can go out alone, that makes me look pathetic and will push people away.
Hopefully I don’t grow into an old bitter woman with 12 cats and a mean ass dog.
Notes*: I’m B. I rename all of my friends so their names start with the same letter as mine. Why? Because “B” is the best letter in the alphabet. This is not up for discussion. The reason I have all the women with men names and the men with women names is…well I’m weird.